The Deep of Grace-Swimming in the Deep End

I have a deep fear of the deep end of the pool. There are several experiences that cemented that fear. People  throwing you in and thinking that will teach you, or being on a lake in an inner tube and drifting too far out when you're 9 or growing up as a Mennonite girl in small towns with no pools! That being said, we went to my sister Judi's for the 4th of July. We went to just relax and hang and swim in her pool and maybe go out on their boat. I had no intentions of actually being in the pool for any length of time. I'm a professional layer outer... just get a great tan and hang around the pool. Just got highlights put in my hair so didn't want to get chlorine in it. Yeah, well eventually Judi and I were talking and she didn't realize I really couldn't swim! You have to know my sister, this became her quest and challenge for the day, to get me swimming!  She had me working with a kickboard to learn how to kick and do bobs for breathing! Now I thought I was in pretty good shape but this was exhausting! God spoke to my heart that fear WAS exhausting but that overcoming fear was a fight of faith. He said to use my fear to find my Faith! We had a great day and no I didn't learn to swim, yet, but I'm going to as part of my faith walk. Plus my sister is not going to let me get out of it now! 

When I was using the kickboard and pushing off, that buoyancy I felt, so simple and so freeing and so light, that's what I want to know in the Spirit. But what keeps us from knowing and experiencing that? When my feet aren't touching the bottom, it totally freaks me out! Why does it so much? Loss of control? Fear of sinking, failure, rejection, abandonment, fear of being dismissed, being swept away, literally being knocked off my feet? Is it wanting to stay safe and only operate in the familiar? All of these and any bad experiences, pain and abuse can keep us in the shallow end of the pool or the sandy beaches of the ocean. But don't you hear the call to come out deeper? Step out in ways you haven't before? Trust Him in ways you haven't before?

Psalm 42:7 "Deep calls to Deep in the roar of Your waterfalls; all Your waves and breakers have swept over me." This is one of my favorite scriptures. Many interpret the deep as troubles or trials, which may very well be true. My experience and belief has been that Deep calling unto Deep is our spirit calling out and communing with God. The deepest level of intimacy is in Deep calling to Deep. The waves and breakers speak to me of the force, strength and sovereign nature that is God dealing with us. This picture draws me into the Deep with Him. The times that I've let go, in areas I'm unsure of and let faith drive away my fear...have been Glorious, beyond what I could have dreamed or imagined.Those are still moments and seasons. Learning to live daily in the Deep of Grace requires letting go! How??

It's deep, but you won't sink if you let go of your stuff! What's "carried" you up to this point?  Or maybe it stopped working for you a long time ago. Your career, ministry, any relationship, time or lack of time with the Lord, your obedience, your passion and zeal WAS working, but not anymore. Why? Because He wants MORE of you. Grace like you've never known before will carry you where His Spirit leads you and cover you where His calling appoints you and comfort you when the waves are crashing in. The deeper you go, the fresher the smell, the more blue the ocean, and the more beautiful the sunset. Deep calls to Deep like the waves upon the sea, Deep calls to Deep Holy Spirit speak to me. I don't want to wade in the shallow end anymore or keep going back to it. What do I want more? To touch the bottom or to see the view? It's at the top of the waves where God's perspective is revealed and we begin to understand the deep of Grace.  

The level of intimacy of the Deep is described in the beginning of that same Psalm, "As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?" Ps.42:1-2 The desperation and desire for more of God to fill more of us runs though the entire Psalm. Also the identical verses 5 and 11, "Why are you downcast, O my soul?  Why so disturbed within me?  Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, My Savior and my God," provide the foundation and the frame for the cry for more intimacy in the midst of adversity, affliction, abundance and abiding. My soul is downcast when I can't hear or don't respond to His voice calling me. The closer I step towards Him, the clearer His Voice becomes.

Time to go deep...deep in intimacy with Him. Trust Him more than what you know or have known. Let go...Feel the waves..Let them carry you..

Going deeper,

Janna