Pressure to Produce

Question... How do you know it's been too long since you've blogged?

Answer.... When you forget your stinkin Password!!

Okay, so here it is 2010, not January but February 2...so I already am behind from what I said I would do this year! In this transition season my desire has been to be Productive..Move Forward...Press into New things..and I have found myself many times...Stuck..just Stuck...no great revelations coming forth..3-4 hr. writing blocks...and very little or nothing or totally sidetracked...distracted..The house is so quiet..perfect day...and suddenly I can't believe I haven't wiped down the baseboards in forever...or my closet so needs organizing.. or maybe this is the day I should attempt that abstract on canvas I've been wanting to do(who am I kidding) or the gym or shopping( yeah i know this really doesn't produce anything, but provides an escape!!... I've got to DO something..PRODUCE something!

I'm used to and very comfortable PRODUCING...Producing something...Out There...On a Stage..a Worship service..an Easter Musical..a Christmas Play.. a Song...Something that can be measured to some degreee by it's Product! I would put so much time..passion.. push...desire..energy into that thing Out There I was Producing..Now God is asking.."Can you put that same passion and desire into letting Me Produce IN you for a Yield or Harvest that is even more Fruitful? Can you put that same passion and desire into Resting and Being..when man isn't Driving it and Driving you? Can your Desire become to internally Produce in a New way that isn't about what someone sees on Stage?"

This isn't about never doing those things I love to do ever again...but it is about Sitting before Him..Resting..Trusting..Healing...Forgiving...Loving.. and Forgiving..over and over...I think that's what He's after...that kind of Fruit..and me resting...and out of that He will Produce something really Beautiful.

I challlenge all of us to Press into Him..not the Pressure to Produce...that will all come..even in the process.. it will come...and start producing new life..purpose..things birthed...deams fulfilled..But when you're feelin the Pressure to DO..Press right back into Him to BE...

Okay, so I went longer than I intended..I'm working on it!

Pressing in,

Janna

Transition - The Trust Trip

This is all about a Trip...a Journey I'm on that many of you are on too. It's not a teaching so much as just what I'm walking through.Because I'm walking through it, I won't go deep, it's still pretty fresh and just between the Lord and I and my family. I do want to express God's Love and Care for all who are walking through and to their next season. It's really NOT about anyone, anything, or anyplace. It's God positioning you for what is next. It's God preparing you for what is next. It's God trusting you with what is next.

I went to Chicago a few weeks ago as a guest of my dear friend Lisa Winans who was co-hosting a Verizon music event. Our "driver" picked us up at the airport. From that point on we were treated like royalty. The beautiful hotel..the doorman..bellhops..the room..my room..just for me..so uniquely for me..modern..clean lines in a beautifully restored old bldg. When I walked into the room, I know this sounds so cheesy, but I almost cried! Every detail was clearly thought out and my first thought was "I don't deserve this!" I laid down on the oh so comfortable bed and Knew how much God loved me in that moment..I didn't deserve it, but God's Love said Yes! ( also meant even more after the trip) The room was so bright and beautiful, like a canvas I could write on and start fresh!( This totally made sense after the trip BTW) We shopped and shopped ( new favorite store Akira Chicago) ate some amazing food and just enjoyed Chicago.

As I was waiting for my driver( I could SO be a diva) before the event Lisa was co-hosting, another car came for Mr. Sapp and that driver said he could take me now so I wouldn't have to wait for next car, but he would have to check with Mr. Sapp! Well by this time I know it's Marvin Sapp and I immediately say no no you go ahead and I'll wait. I honestly didn't want to put him in that awkward position and God just told me to just wait in the background ( can be difficult for me:-). Marvin Sapp and his manager came out from the restaurant and driver points to me and says something to Mr. Sapp and I'm wanting to truly not be there right then. ( feel like I'm about 10 years old) Marvin Sapp comes over to me and so graciously insists I ride with them. Now this is God, not because it's Marvin Sapp who is one of my all time Favorite Singers, worshipers and ministers, but because God just wanted to bless me and show me favor. We talked all the way in the car about worship and family! Now this is what is so God...I asked him what time in his life "Place of Worship" came from... won't go into full discussion, but change and worship were central theme. When we got to event Ps. Marvin said it was clear to him that God was taking me to the next level and not to be suprised at what God would do next! I'm thinking that's so great..little did I know what was ahead!

Okay, so fast forward..event was incredible...more divine appts..God so blessed me! Flight home was great! I did have to carry my own bags again ..ehh( told ya I was a divia) After Dino picked me up he wanted to go out to eat and talk. On the way to the restaurant he told me what was going on...restructuring..new season..changes..I'm out of a job...Not fun to hear..hurt...tears..BUT knew even in the midst of those first moments...God was saying, Trust me baby girl, It's Time! Sometimes God has to really just kick our butts and move us on and out! Something I would have taken longer to do.. And as each day goes by I know it IS His Timing. My Trust and Hope and everything I know..I just fling myself at His Feet and say I Trust You..I Trust You... That's what I say over and over.When there are rough moments and days, I sometimes have to reach over and hit the big TRUST button to remind myself! This is True for several areas in my life where I don't have answers... just passion....desire and TRUST. I want to include this section I wrote in my hotel room.."Amazing room almost brought me to tears..feel guilty..Can I instead view it as a gift from my Father who knows how much I love nice things. Can I receive this gift from Him and not be expecting "the bad news"? Can I instead believe He's preparing me for greater things?"

So here I am..at a place of a nowhere between 2 somewhere's. I'm living in between the Now and Not Yet! But God in His Goodness just loved me right into this season and reminds me daily of Psalm 130:5 "I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His Word I put my TRUST." Also Psalm 56 :9 "By this I will know that God is for me...In God I trust; I will not be afraid."

Can I just say rereading this makes me want to edit half of it out..but God said leave it all in. Can I just say I don't like feeling like I'm 10 again and needing acceptance...But God said you are accepted no matter what you do or don't do...Can I just say I now have to live what I always teach.. let nothing define you except who God says you are ... Can I just say it feels really silly for me to put in the section about Marvin Sapp..but God said do it to remind people of His Favor and His attention to Details....Can I just say these are unchartered waters and there is apprehension and excitement all at the same time...Because His Timing is perfect, He prepares our hearts and those events around us to prepare us also. He knew what I needed on that trip. Famous folks don't impress me, but ministers of the Gospel who have the Word of God in their mouths and speak it.... still don't impress me, but it does BLESS me!! Oh yeah and sitting in the front row and center while Ps. Marvin sings "Never Would Have Made It"....God So knew what I would need! Trusting Him for this next Trip!

I'm Stronger,

Janna

Songs I've been listening to...will help to get you through..."Place of Worship" Marvin Sapp and " You Are For Me" Kari Jobe Also "Wrap Me In Your Arms" Freddy Rodriguez "Oh, How He Loves Us" New Breed - Generation:Love

"Peace and Favor Rest On Us" Kurt Carr

Waiting...A Good Thing

What are you waiting for....hoping for...longing for? That "thing" whether it involves your purpose, career, ministry,  or a relationship is what you cry out to God for. Waiting, for me, has always been..ummm.. well challenging. I've always been impatient, thinking that the "I-m'' in impatient should really be spelled "im not"! Left to my self, I'm a foot tapping, rolling my eyes, driving too fast, sighing and groaning, wanting things NOW kind of girl!  When I think I'm trusting God and waiting on Him, but in reality trying to drive something, the hardest part for me is letting go and trusting Him! Trusting the purpose of the wait and NOT see waiting with no answer in sight as rejection.  If you're like me, you're crying out unrestrained and with all your heart and at times..just plain loud ( where no one can hear of course), and other times with prayers and tears that no one can hear.If you long for something, truly long for it, there will  be a passion in your waiting, and in your patience. This is the really good part...You're waiting, intensely for God  to move in your behalf, and He's longing with the same intensity!  

       Isaiah 30:18  Yet the Lord Longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion.

                                For the Lord is a God of justice.

                                Blessed are all who Wait for Him!  

Now this part is better than a Route 44 Sweet Tea from Sonic, the words " Longs" and "Wait" = the exact same word in Hebrew!

Beth Moore shared this thought in her Esther bible study and I was so struck by it! I wanted to yell STOP.... did anyone else really hear that?? I've always in the back of my mind secretly thought longing and waiting were polar opposites. God was on the Life Giving Side of EVERYTHING GOOD,  and I was on the impatiently waiting side ( on a good day), with hope and faith expecting Him! This totally blows my mind! He is FOR us, and we're on the same side and He is BY my side! God can't hardly contain Himself!! ( had to go totally south on that one).He SO desires to show Himself to us in all His Love and Goodness and Strength! His Longing, at the very least, is infinitely beyond the level of intensity and passion our waiting is. He's NOT withholding answers, goodness  or love in our lives. There must be indescribable purpose in our wait and His Longing! When I see this, really see it, it brings me to tears. God is the Creator and the Author of longing and waiting. Longing... and Loving ....is part of the wait, otherwise it's just a passing of time. He gets your desire, and your longing and yes your pain. There's a freedom in this revelation IF you can embrace it and the process and the journey. As deeply as we may have longed and hoped and  waited for answers and release and fulfillment, God has, since the beginning of time, Longed to give us that  Grace and Compassion and Love to Fill that longing in us!

Isn't  that the good news you've waited for? Rev. 1:9 states that..."the Passion of Patience in Jesus..." God's patience always involves His Passion. We are made in His Image and His Likeness. So I wait, never in vain, but that I may know Him and be Filled and Fulfilled by Him.  Plus only He can handle all my passion and desire and still long to extend more Grace and Love towards me. 

           Prov.13:12 "A longing fulfilled is a tree of life."

         Prov.13:19 "A longing fulfilled is sweet to the soul."   

Okay,  so there is a lot of "longing'' and "waiting" in this blog...but if we can really GET this, we will embrace the wait, not endure it. Love all you who are waiting...think you're wonderful...

Learning to Wait,

Janna

                          

The Deep of Grace-Swimming in the Deep End

I have a deep fear of the deep end of the pool. There are several experiences that cemented that fear. People  throwing you in and thinking that will teach you, or being on a lake in an inner tube and drifting too far out when you're 9 or growing up as a Mennonite girl in small towns with no pools! That being said, we went to my sister Judi's for the 4th of July. We went to just relax and hang and swim in her pool and maybe go out on their boat. I had no intentions of actually being in the pool for any length of time. I'm a professional layer outer... just get a great tan and hang around the pool. Just got highlights put in my hair so didn't want to get chlorine in it. Yeah, well eventually Judi and I were talking and she didn't realize I really couldn't swim! You have to know my sister, this became her quest and challenge for the day, to get me swimming!  She had me working with a kickboard to learn how to kick and do bobs for breathing! Now I thought I was in pretty good shape but this was exhausting! God spoke to my heart that fear WAS exhausting but that overcoming fear was a fight of faith. He said to use my fear to find my Faith! We had a great day and no I didn't learn to swim, yet, but I'm going to as part of my faith walk. Plus my sister is not going to let me get out of it now! 

When I was using the kickboard and pushing off, that buoyancy I felt, so simple and so freeing and so light, that's what I want to know in the Spirit. But what keeps us from knowing and experiencing that? When my feet aren't touching the bottom, it totally freaks me out! Why does it so much? Loss of control? Fear of sinking, failure, rejection, abandonment, fear of being dismissed, being swept away, literally being knocked off my feet? Is it wanting to stay safe and only operate in the familiar? All of these and any bad experiences, pain and abuse can keep us in the shallow end of the pool or the sandy beaches of the ocean. But don't you hear the call to come out deeper? Step out in ways you haven't before? Trust Him in ways you haven't before?

Psalm 42:7 "Deep calls to Deep in the roar of Your waterfalls; all Your waves and breakers have swept over me." This is one of my favorite scriptures. Many interpret the deep as troubles or trials, which may very well be true. My experience and belief has been that Deep calling unto Deep is our spirit calling out and communing with God. The deepest level of intimacy is in Deep calling to Deep. The waves and breakers speak to me of the force, strength and sovereign nature that is God dealing with us. This picture draws me into the Deep with Him. The times that I've let go, in areas I'm unsure of and let faith drive away my fear...have been Glorious, beyond what I could have dreamed or imagined.Those are still moments and seasons. Learning to live daily in the Deep of Grace requires letting go! How??

It's deep, but you won't sink if you let go of your stuff! What's "carried" you up to this point?  Or maybe it stopped working for you a long time ago. Your career, ministry, any relationship, time or lack of time with the Lord, your obedience, your passion and zeal WAS working, but not anymore. Why? Because He wants MORE of you. Grace like you've never known before will carry you where His Spirit leads you and cover you where His calling appoints you and comfort you when the waves are crashing in. The deeper you go, the fresher the smell, the more blue the ocean, and the more beautiful the sunset. Deep calls to Deep like the waves upon the sea, Deep calls to Deep Holy Spirit speak to me. I don't want to wade in the shallow end anymore or keep going back to it. What do I want more? To touch the bottom or to see the view? It's at the top of the waves where God's perspective is revealed and we begin to understand the deep of Grace.  

The level of intimacy of the Deep is described in the beginning of that same Psalm, "As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?" Ps.42:1-2 The desperation and desire for more of God to fill more of us runs though the entire Psalm. Also the identical verses 5 and 11, "Why are you downcast, O my soul?  Why so disturbed within me?  Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, My Savior and my God," provide the foundation and the frame for the cry for more intimacy in the midst of adversity, affliction, abundance and abiding. My soul is downcast when I can't hear or don't respond to His voice calling me. The closer I step towards Him, the clearer His Voice becomes.

Time to go deep...deep in intimacy with Him. Trust Him more than what you know or have known. Let go...Feel the waves..Let them carry you..

Going deeper,

Janna

Trapped in the Fitting Room- Freedom Part 2

I know what you all are thinking...oh, she's going to talk about freedom, no more fittings, we don't need them now. As soon as I started even going in that direction, I heard the lock (or as in most cases of fitting rms, door jam, slider thingys that NEVER close all the way) of the fitting  room door slam shut! That will get your attention! Yep..Now we're TRAPPED in the fitting room and God says we're only beginning.  Are you all ready?

So I was out to dinner with friends for a birthday celebration and this subject came up...and it was that uhhh moment again. The disappointment, anger and then shame you feel  for letting it get to you! I mean there are horrific things going on right  around me and I'm totally shutting down because this stinkin' swim suit did not even come close to fitting, not even for the purpose of "I'll just wear it on my deck or on a vacation  where no one knows me!" I tried on some jeans this week and I'm SURE this designer has never experienced childbirth (most women do not have the hips of a 12 year old) or has known the joy of raw chocolate chip cookie dough! 

Okay we're trapped. What do we do? We try  to make things fit. Pins, glue, duct tape, spray  paint, dry wall, clothes pins and pipe cleaners are just a few examples of getting  an outfit to fit or stay put. We have a legitimate need for the clothes to fit,  but we try every ill-fitting and illegitimate way to make it fit. Even if a makeshift outfit looks good from one angle or position, it doesn't present a whole or complete picture of you. Plus, you can never turn around.  You're confined to a specific role. You are limited. You are bound up. You, yes you, who are fearfully and wonderfully made! Psalm 139:14  God is saying, "Let Me do the work. I have fashioned, created and designed you." Design is defined as "to plan out, intend, purpose". God is truly the master designer. He planned out your life with intention and purpose. Why would we want to mess with that? Why do we keep finding ways to make things fit or work, even temporarily? We love quick fixes. Buy something now that will fit later....or later. 

 Do you all have "goal'' clothes hanging in your closet?  I know you do! You know, clothes with the tags still on, from 2004?  Hey, there's nothing wrong with that! I have a few too! When I just get to a certain place, size or season in life then I'll wear this.  This can keep us from walking in our purpose now! We're waiting for this and that to fit, and comparing ourselves to everyone else around us. We're trying to wear or "be" something that looks good on someone else. Another person's gifting, purpose or path is not ours. It will only frustrate and keep us going back to the fitting room. We're either not DOING anything in order for them to fit, or we're not WALKING in what we're fitted for!

I'm putting away my winter coats, ( yes, I know it's June) because I'm not going to wear them in this season. It would be inappropriate to wear a heavy coat now, but that's what we do when we try and tell God what season we're in. Spring is a beautiful time, new life and hope. But if you're in a fall season, you can't keep the leaves from changing colors, and the wind blowing a little colder. You can't shut down the beauty that is in you.  God has intention for you here and now. If you're not where or what or who you  want to be, stay in the fitting room. Don't be in a hurry. Let Him do His Work. He is measuring  you, pining, and making alterations. Let Him finish what He has started. He is the Author and Finisher of your faith and your life.  And you know what? Life's alterations never stop!  Be encouraged...Janna

Would love to hear everyone's stories regarding fitting rooms. Tell me your funniest and most painful moments. Comment on the blog or email me @ jannapastin@comcast.net

The Fitting Room

Ahhh…the dreaded fitting room...you know, the place where you step into and pray that something miraculous happens before you try that way cute outfit on. Or you drag yourself or have a friend drag you into trying something on with no expectation of ANYTHING fitting. But the good news is that it’s usually all about the lighting and the mirrors, right? I can’t possibly look like this, this lighting is too harsh, and don’t mirrors put on 10 lbs? Or wait is that cameras?  

The fitting room...the place where reality and expectation meet! Because in reality you’re not that person in the mirror...lighting and mirrors are all about enhancement or distortion.  You’re in the fitting room because you’re being “fitted” for the next season in your life. Lighting and mirrors are the way our culture wants us to view ourselves. Thanks be to God, He is our mirror..what we should look like..and covers us with His Love and Grace. We are being fitted for His Purpose and Design. It just takes a little longer than what we expect! Being fitted is not the most exciting process, it’s a sometimes boring, difficult, uncomfortable, irritating, exasperating, and exhausting process! It's a period of waiting on God and wondering if He's forgotten us. He hasn't forgotten us. Thank God, He loves us enough to change us! I know for me the process takes longer because I can't seem to be still and let Him "fit" me!  I'm squirming around, asking questions, second-guessing Him and then wondering why He's taking so long!  2 Th.1:11...We pray for you all the time--pray that our God will make you FIT for what He's called you to be, pray that He'll fill  your good ideas and acts of faith with His own energy so that it all amounts to something.MSG  The NIV reads, "We constantly pray for you, that our God may count you worthy of His calling, and that by His power He may fulfill every good purpose of yours and every act prompted by your faith. Isn't that good? Okay so the next thing I usually do is go to the dictionary for the definition.."fit"- be suited to; be properly adjusted to; arrange, adjust, well-suited, worthy, qualified, proper, becoming, ready! That will all preach! So normally I would then go to a commentary, but instead go back to the Word for more "fitting". Remember, for the fitting to be accurate, you must stand still..not move before He's finished and trust that He knows what "fits" you. It may feel too tight and confining in some areas and too lengthy or too short in other ways. God may be fitting you for a mantle that will at first feel uncomfortable. It may take adjusting and even sacrificing on your part. Because it is new and and unfamiliar, it may not feel like a fit. That's the moment of surrender when you know you can either humbly lean and bow into the mantle or just stay in the same comfortable clothes! He knows what season you're going into and what you'll need to be equipped. Trust Him. Fitting is becoming!  Part 2 "Fitting is Freedom" coming soon..

Okay my first blog...Have been slow to start..my kids always laugh at me typing... can think much faster than I can express ....hey I'm being fitted! Much love..Be encouraged...Janna